DADDY DEAREST
An epistulary dramalet.
epistle, n
1. A communication made to an absent person in writing; a letter. Chiefly (from its use in translations from L. and Gr.) applied to letters written in ancient times, esp. to those which rank as literary productions, or (after the analogy of 2) to those of a public character, or addressed to a body of persons. In application to ordinary (modern) letters now used only rhetorically or with playful or sarcastic implication. (O.E.D.)
Father,
take me out of this horrible place! I was hexed with what the uncouth Potter boy with the double-barrelled improbable name called the Bat Bogey hex. Apparently his mother taught him.
It's the most disgustingly vomit-worthy thing I have ever had the misfortune to see, let alone being hit with.
The reason? I was just passing by him in the hall. He informed me that I had no right to pass him by in the hall as I am a filthy Slytherin. Which is why he hexed me. Out of the blue. I hadn't even seen him there.
No-one did or said anything. He's the Chosen One's child and has a License to Hex. I will NOT stay in this place a moment longer. Take me out and tutor me privately or suffer the consequences of my running away, a lone, defenceless boy forced to merlin-knows-what to survive.
Love,
Scorpius.
*
Scorpius,
you are being melodramatic. Melodramatic is not elegant, or witty, or anything but pathetic.
That said, I know exactly how you feel. Pack your things and please forgive me for sending you to that Pit of Gryffindor Entitlement. I'll be there to take you home tomorrow at nine ack emma.
You shall have tutors galore and all the respect you've a right to.
With all my love,
Draco Malfoy
Finis
I really felt like writing this. So sue me. :P :P :P
- Mood:
creatively meta - Music:AH, I needed to get that out
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Comments
I know how you feel dear, but I still have hope in Fandom...
AS/S forever baby!
Also, I always preferred fandom to the Queen of Fascism.
Forgive me if I dare to correct you:
S/AS theirhateisSOcanon!!!!eleventyONE
Going with the Japanese shorthand of absurd fake-hetero position here. Scorpius would SO top Albus Severus, except maybe not as I like to think he's got some taste. :P
And thanks again for laughing; it was all I could think of, at the end, if we ignore the cursing and foaming at the mouth.
By the way, do you think She howled when she read it back and realized what crap it was? or it was "howling with laughter", maybe?
baaaaawwwwww, I wanna be sedated!
Hey, it was a pleasure! AS/S or S/AS will be the new black. We can also go and made unfunny jokes about how SAS kicks ASS... heh.
Thank YOU for liking.
Thanks.
I feel so much better and ready to join the ranks of Carpetbook.
Thank you for reviewing.
Don't call it Carpetbook! It has SUCH a slashy title DH! Draco/Harry FOREVAH! and the DOOMCOCK single-entendre. It's a self-parody, that's what it is.
If you're not a slasher, call it ACCIO HAGRID, it'll make you fell better. :-D
Well, if we're talking crap names, Albus Severus wins by a mile. Poor Scorpius can't even make himslef write it down, :-D
I'm coming to the opinion that Rowling simply got fucking tired of writing these books after GOF. OoTP took forever, apparently (I didn't bother to read them until after it had come out, and even I knew that much), and HBP was clumsy as hell. I read it once. Never picked it up again. My brain simply refused to process it.
DH was worse. So much worse. Which is why I am going back to my Snape/Hermione fanfic, and ignoring it thusly, because fucking hell.
(And couldn't Draco had found a different constellation to name the kid after? Scorpius, I ask you....)
I also think she never wanted to be a writer, exactly, she wanted a job with no fixed hours and no heavy lifting, so to speak, but had never the passion for writing other authors have.
Be that as it may, this is the last book, HALLELUJA! so we can keep reading good authors in peace. Fanfic was always better than canon in this instance.
Draco called the sprog Scorpius because he was born under the sign of the Scorpion, and he called the poor child Scorpius because, like La Rowling, he's pants at Latin. Should have been Scorpio.
BTW username love (I used to be a Gambit fan, before Marvel got confused, boring and stupid) and ICON LOVE!
Thank you for the comment, much appreciated.
Scorpio Malfoy would have actually sounded fairly cool; no wonder she didn't use it. *snicker*
Still looking forward to those verbose reviews; but enjoy Potterdammerung, it sounds vicariously - schadenfreude-ily - amusing.
Yes; the passion is what was missing in these last two. Not that I ever considered her a grand writer by any means, but the first four were at least enjoyable romps with very little substance, and no reason to complain if one took them at face value. If you expect more, then you hit problems, but as a silly story, it was fine. Then, fanfic takes on from there.
Heh. My username is from my fanfic, but yes; total Gambit love. I pretty much ignore everything after UXM 350, because WTF BASTICH. Though I still read X-Men off and on and stamp around screaming at his lack of balls, I just ignore canon after 350. It keeps me sane.
Icon is Atsushi Sakurai from Buck-Tick. J-Rock band. Such love.
My four grandparents are/were from four different countries, actually. I may have said this at a point, it's no secret. Eire, Jamaica, France and England.
Now give me a name, any name, and we can converse, if you wish.
Went to look but it was taken down. I'll hunt for some .pdf of DH - am sure there is one already - and email you link.
And in the meantime I can have happy visions of "Khanzilla" and Gigantic Exceed stomping the entire cast of that stankpile into the ground. *chuckles darkly*